I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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