He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk is a universal language darling
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