I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
