my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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