i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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