NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
