Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
