I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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