I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need moral support for this bender
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
