he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
