i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
