U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
