a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
