You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
