i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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