i was rollin on her like bob the builder
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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