So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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