i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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