he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
