I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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