I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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