he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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