I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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