Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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