I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
