I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
