i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
