you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
