Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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