Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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