the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
