We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
