giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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