I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
