I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
