I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
