Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
