apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
