The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
