Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
