What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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