yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
