Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
