Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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