Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
