Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pants are for mortals
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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