he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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