1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just tell him i said nine months
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Say something about gay babies.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
