it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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