Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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