You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
