Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How external is "for external use only"?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
