walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
