the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
