Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
