HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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