HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
