that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
