8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
