I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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