she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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