i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
