I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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